So I managed to get through a day at work without smudging my bank reconciliation with my tears. All good. He wants to call me tonight. I said I didn't think I could speak to him. Hello? You've dumped me. I am unhappy. What makes you think that listening to you tell me how hard it has been for you will make me feel ANY better. I only want to listen to you if you are apologising and by that I mean saying "Sorry, I was wrong, it all got out of hand, let's forget this stupidity and move on" and the likelihood of saying this is pretty low I would guess. And even if this IS what he wants to say, now is not the time to say it. I need space sweetheart. I need to grab back hold of my self respect and get it back in situ first.

One thing you have nicely cured though, if you thought I had any urge for comitment from you at this point, it has been quashed out of me quite nicely. I don't have any urges to settle down with you, I didn't 48 hours ago I certainly don't now. Okay so I may have had the "perhaps one day this could be something really solid" type thoughts, but Jeez.

I'm ANGRY. That's what I am. Why do people have to start looking to the future, making plans. Why can't people just go with the flow? I love you, I told you that because that is how I feel now. Okay so maybe I won't love you in three months, a year, six years time, but that's then and this is now. Now I like being with you (correction, I liked being with you, yesterday was the worst).

I want to rip grass out of the ground and scream at the top of my voice I am so mad. Okay .... that's wierd Mand, let's stop there shall we?

I'm single. Again. Lucky me.