Girls Aloud! I am having a crap day. Despite telling myself that I am an idiot in doing so, I keep responding to his emails. I can't make sense of it. From what I gather, he's finishing with me just in case he hurts me some time in the future (which apparently is bound to happen because it always does for him - that's great comfort to me then - I have been crapped upon from a great height by my so called boyfriends over and over again for the last four relationships I have had, so clearly it is a certainty that this pattern will continue for the rest of my bloody life - pass me the bucket now, please).

Han of course, has been trying to pair me up with best friend of new boyfriend for a while now, so will be delighted that Burnley Boy (who to be fair she didn't think much of as she thought he treated me badly and sometimes I could see that she had a point there - particularly right now) is out of the limelight.

In order to try and avoid the old "oh no, the man I love has left me to go to Australia and never to return, I must remain in mourning for a good two years and not look at another man..." moment, I put my profile back up on match.com, just to make sure I wasn't fooling myself into thinking that I was slightly attractive in the right light. It took about 5 minutes to get my first wink. He didn't float my boat. It made me feel much worse. I took the profile back off, been there, done that, can't be bothered. No really, I can't.
Burnley Boy used to say that dating me was "punching above his weight" Hmmmm. Idiot. (Not sure if I mean me or him there).

I feel totally sick. I can't breathe properly without my eyes filling with tears. I'm a 27 year old woman. This sort of thing happens to a ruddy 14 year old. I hate being me again right now.

I forgot to say - seems pointless now, but I will anyway - on Valentine's Day he finally said I love you. Clearly a slip of the tongue. But for a while it made me feel special. I just thought you'd like to know.